


Nothing

by DaniJayNel



Series: 100 YumiKuri Stories [7]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, F/F, One-Shot, broken feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 13:25:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2152383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniJayNel/pseuds/DaniJayNel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ymir stood unfeeling in the rain, wondering why it had all gone so terribly wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> So, I’m feeling so sad. I just want to curl up in my blanket and cry. I don’t know why. I just suddenly felt so incredibly sad. I feel heartbroken T-T so I decided to write this to get the sad out. Maybe it will help. I hope it does.

Darkness. Cold wind. Icy rain.

Ymir took a breath, released it, watched as it turned into white fog and disappeared. She wondered the point. The reason. Why was she even breathing?

She took another breath, held it. Her chest remained inflated with the air, and then her lungs quivered with the need to expel the spent air to replenish it with new oxygen, less carbon dioxide. She ignored the burn, ignored the unconscious jerking of her lungs.

It didn’t even feel like anything. It felt like nothing. She could barely register the sensation of her lungs burning for air.

She released the breath, once more watching the white cloud twirl up from her lips and turn to nothing. Yeah, nothing. She wished she could turn to nothing.

A single drop of water slid down from a strand of hair from her fringe and landed on her nose. She didn’t feel the tingle as the liquid moved down the bridge of her nose and plopped onto her top lip. It travelled further down until it fell from her chin to join the pool of water at her feet.

Around her, roaring, but silent to her ears, it rained. The clouds were dark, angry and violent, pelting their tears down upon Ymir and her cold skin.

It was cold, Ymir guessed, but she didn’t feel it. She didn’t feel the biting wind making her lips fade into blue or the heavy water raining down on her and soaking her; drenched to the bone, her clothes stuck to her like a second skin.

Black. A black suit; like always.

She would have looked smart in formal dress if it weren’t for her blank, empty eyes and the water sitting snuggly against her clothes.

Why?

“Why?” She asked out loud, like she always did, every time. “Krista…” Her second utterance was the most she had said in a while, and a word she had forced herself to forget.

But she couldn’t. She could never forget, not that girl that had stolen her heart.

Not those love filled, compassionate blue eyes that had only ever stared at her with that deep devotion and love.

Not those small lips, always upturned in the cutest smiles.

Not that soft voice that had both irritated her with sickeningly hopeful ideals and turned her legs to jelly and her heart into a jerking mess.

How could she forget the person that had loved her more than anything in this world?

“Krista…” Ymir felt the name on her tongue. It burnt. This time she felt it. The harsh stinging inside of her mouth, like fire, burning her up. She swallowed and the burn followed. Her stomach lit up with intense fire, and then her heart. It jerked painfully, shaking from the pain.

Ymir clutched at her chest and fell to her knees, one hand digging into the hard, black soil. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to rid her mind of the image.

Of the moment she had finally brought herself to confess to Krista, of the moment Krista had burst into tears seconds later because she had been in love with her for so long and had thought her feelings were unrequited.

To discard the picture in her head of when they had shared their first kiss, tentative, unsure, clumsy but so absolutely perfect and beautiful. She tried to forget how that moment had made her the happiest person in the world.

Tears. No. They couldn’t pour now, they _wouldn’t_.

She had tried to cry once, desperate to alleviate the heaviness in her chest, but nothing had happened. Not even if she wanted to would tears come to her. Her eyes burnt, her face contorted with agony, but no sound left her lips and no liquid passed over her eyes other than the stinging rain falling even harder, now.

Ymir glanced up, still clutching at her chest, and uttered a single, pained sigh. In front of her there was a tombstone. She was kneeling in front of it, unworthy, but unable to stand.

Her legs felt heavy, either from the cold or the emotions. All Ymir knew was that they felt strange and numb.

“Why?” She asked again, unable to answer the one question she had been asking all this time. Why had it happened? Why to her?

A crack of lighting split through the sky, illuminating the area, other tombstones, and startling Ymir out of her cold, numb world. She couldn’t stay there forever. She had already been there for hours, just staring, just asking, just begging.

With a shattering breath Ymir stood and forced the tremble out of her body. She had broken a while ago, yeah, but she refused to crumble to pieces again and especially not here.

She looked up, eyes piercing through the darkness, and lifted a hand to trace the angel sculpture that marked the grave. She gave a sad smile.

She always had been an angel. Pure, innocent, sweet. But then she died.

“I love you.” Ymir whispered. Her throat burnt with the words. She hadn’t said them in so long. The only thing she could feel was the painful beats of her heart and each agonizing breath into her lungs. “I miss you, Krista.” If it were possible her heart started burning even more.

Lips pressed into a firm line, Ymir stopped trailing her finger along the face of the angel sculpture and dropped her arm. She wanted to, but she couldn’t stay here forever.

It was difficult to leave each time she visited. She felt alone, but most times she felt empty. She felt nothing. She felt dead.

If only she was dead.

“I’m so sorry, Krista.” Ymir muttered miserably and stepped back. “That I wasn’t able to be with you, to protect you like I should have.” Why was she talking? Why was she saying these words?

Krista was dead. There was no heaven. She would never be able to hear the apology or the words Ymir had kept hidden in her heart since the moment her life had ended.

Ymir wished it, though, that heaven existed. Krista did that to her. Made her heart hope and wish for things that her mind knew weren’t logically impossible. It was her only solace, her only way to cope, to think that she could meet her again somehow, somewhere, someday.

Ymir scoffed at herself and turned her back. She shoved her hands into her pockets, ignored the wind whipping violently against her and the rain showering from above, and walked away. Her eyes barely focused on anything, merely looking forward, empty and bleak.

Maybe one day Ymir would be able to stay here forever, as another body in the ground. But not now, she would have to wait. There was someone who still needed her. Who needed Krista more, but the blonde wasn’t here, so now it was Ymir’s job.

Before properly leaving Ymir glanced over her shoulder, as per her ritual, and burned the words inscribed on the stone into her mind.

_‘Krista Renz_

_1993 – 2013_

_A loving wife and mother._

_You were loved and will be dearly missed’_


End file.
